Someday, I Hope To Look Back On This And Just See How It Shaped Me Into The Person I Hope To Be Someday. For Now, Just For Now, I Feel How Hard It Is

I was in Idaho a week ago. I got up last Saturday morning, and hopped on a shuttle that took me up to Idaho Falls. I attended Josh's missionary homecoming and had an amazing time. His parents spoiled me and I relaxed and enjoyed just being. When Monday morning came around I realized it was all coming to an end, and that Id have to leave Idaho. Yet again. I couldnt ever really put in words why it is that I like Idaho the way that I do. Im not a farmer by any means. ( although, not gonna lie, Im very thankful for farmers, because I love produce ) Im not a big fan of smelly farm animals, and for someone who has never been to Idaho during the winter - it is exceptionally cold. Not just like, a cold icy tundra cold. But just this cold that settles in your bones and doesnt go away for six months out of the year. ( I remembered that cold really fast right around the time I got to Blackfood, Id, and noticed that my feet were numb. ) I cried the whole way back to Salt Lake from Idaho Falls and listened to Taylor Swifts song "Breathe". I never listen to Taylor Swift anymore. Only when Im in Idaho. Almost as a ritual I listen to her song as a sad, strong fairwell.

I jumped back into my life the best I could. Almost as a shock to my system. I went stright to work when I got off the bus from Idaho Falls. And I felt like Id just been slapped in the face. Suddenly remembering where I was, and that I need to stop pretending I was on vacation anymore. I guess thats what it feels like to go back home, be relaxed and then jump back into real life again. It doesnt help that I have just dived head first into finals. ( where did that semester go? please tell me, cause I could have sworn I just started going back to school ) But despite the sad and the stressed Im desperately trying to remember the boost of life that I had while I was in Idaho Falls. All the love I felt and how happy I was. I want to walk away from my emotional car crash, so to speak, with a stronger desire to live and be a better person and to live a more brilliant life. I miss Idaho Falls. And Pocatello. A lot. More than I ever care to express. Ever. But I want to be a better person. And for now, if thats my strength, my inspiration. Then so be it.